Speaker 1: 0:42

we want to thank our presenting sponsor, first community bank. Today we have kelly stucky hansen in the studio today. I I met kelly in person back in, I think, 2018. I had been following her on social media and just got to see her life. She owned Crown Beauty in Fayetteville. She was a major advocate for her son with dwarfism and I was working with social media influencers, with Rialanas, and so I'd reached out to her to connect with her on doing some like connecting points. So I'm super excited to have her here in the studio to tell a little bit about her story and how she ended up in northwest Arkansas and and just it's gonna be. This is gonna be a good one. Everyone get your tissues out because there might be some crying.

Speaker 2: 1:30

I did like I did not wear waterproof mascara. Oh no, I should have warned you? Yeah, that's okay, I'll blot you, you can blot I. I think I have tissues in my purse, though, and I think I had met kelly, like I meet many people now at kids parties. Yes, that's where I have actually met a lot of my friends now, because if you're not, if your kids, like aren't friends with my kids, it's hard to maintain. Yeah, a lot of friendships. I do my best.

Speaker 1: 1:55

I know it truly is, like some of my best friends, to maintain a lot of friendships. I do my best. I know it truly is. Some of my best friends came as a result of my kids' preschool friends.

Speaker 4: 2:02

Same. I'm like this is great. All right, Kelly, we'll love them. Thank you guys so much for having me Excited to share a little bit.

Speaker 1: 2:11

Yeah, why don't you start off? Tell us a little bit about how you ended up in Northwest Arkansas?

Speaker 4: 2:16

Well, I am from Fort Smith originally, so not far away. Growing up we moved around a lot, but I did end up graduating from Southside in Fort Smith and ended up going to the University of Arkansas in 2002 to pursue a degree in interior design and, honestly, I just never considered leaving. After that it was just like, okay, I love Fayetteville. I moved around a ton, like I want to stay here and plant some roots, start a career, I don't know. I just never even thought about leaving.

Speaker 1: 2:48

Great place.

Speaker 2: 2:49

That's how, like you know, when I moved here now, I wouldn't consider leaving. I thought it was like a two-year stint.

Speaker 4: 3:02

And then I just dove right in. I loved it. I found a great job right out of college and it was never even a consideration to look elsewhere.

Speaker 1: 3:06

Did you do hair right out of college? Did you get into that?

Speaker 4: 3:09

No, how did you end?

Speaker 1: 3:09

up owning a salon.

Speaker 4: 3:11

Okay. So there is a very long version of this, there's a very, there's a condensed version, so let's go for the condensed version. I graduated in 2006 from the U of A with interior design. I got a job at a really great firm called Tucker Sadler. They were based out of San Diego, california, and they were in Rogers and they were doing all like all that new building over by Pinnacle Hills and the big church at Pinnacle Hills, which is now, I think, cross Church. So we had some really great work. Well, I guess it was like 2008. The economy started shifting. Some of our work was wrapping up and I could just tell like okay, this firm, I don't know how much longer they're going to have an office here and I need to find another job. So I started connecting with people. I okay, actually I should take a step back.

Speaker 4: 3:57

All through college, I worked as a receptionist at a hair salon. So growing up, my dad had a photography studio. I was always like working for the family, so I've just always worked. And it was. You just have a job, right. So when I was moving to Fayetteville before Maps and Google Maps, my dad was like all right, listen, get in the car, drive around, get lost till you figure it out. I drove by a hair salon and they had a sign that said now hiring, and so I walked in and like, got a job on the spot. So I was a receptionist that whole time. I love the salon atmosphere. I love the people, the client building, all that type of stuff. The relationships were so fun.

Speaker 4: 4:34

And so there were several times while I was in school that I thought, hey, I'm just going to drop out, I'm over school. I think I want to go to hair school. My family was just adamant about me finishing and getting a degree, so I never did that, but it always sat in the back of my mind. So after getting out, getting in the real world, job hopping for a while, the coolest part was that every place I was I formed relationships and provided the next opportunity. So I went in the vendor world. Then I went to work at Cityscapes. Then at Cityscapes I met some people that bought ads for me. That ended up being people who helped me get through beauty school. It helped me with work to get through beauty school when I actually did finally go. But yeah, it just started out like just one thing led to another and, to be totally honest, due to the economy and then me hopping around, I did hit like a rock bottom place where I was like what am I doing?

Speaker 4: 5:33

What am I doing with my life? And I had to sit and get really honest with myself and it just really hit me like I need to go to beauty school. I thought about that for years. My friends would tell me you have a natural talent, you're so good at hair and makeup, you need to pursue this. And so I did. I was a 26-year-old going back to beauty school. I had debt and bills and I had, like, this lifestyle I had built and I had to put all that on hold. I moved home with my parents for a few months so that I could, like, focus on school, and I treated beauty school like a job. I went in.

Speaker 4: 6:08

This was like really in the beginning of social media. Also, facebook was a thing, but it wasn't as popular and so if you were loud enough on it, you could get some attention because it wasn't as used. So I think it was like a combination of hey, I love what I'm doing. I was constantly posting pictures, I was constantly talking about what I was doing, and I think people were also broke because, like the recession, and stuff, and so they were like shoot, I'm just going to go to the beauty school and let her do my highlights.

Speaker 4: 6:40

So by the time I got out of beauty school, I had enough of a client base where I went straight to a really great salon in Fayetteville and was actually able to do booth rent and have like a client base. That's so awesome it was incredible.

Speaker 4: 6:52

That's so awesome. It was incredible. I really think I attribute it to the right time. The right time it caught that first wave, that first big wave on social media and, honestly, when you're a little desperate and when you find something you love and you just really throw yourself into it, I really thought I can't fail, it's not an option because I have to take care of myself. I'd always worked hard and I really did love. I can't fail Like it's not an option because I have to take care of myself. I'd always worked hard and I really did love what I was doing and so it just happened really organically and I was sharing about it very organically. It was before being an influencer or something like that wasn't even. I don't even think that was a word yet?

Speaker 1: 7:31

No, it wasn't a word yet. Definitely not, and then when it? Became a word. How did that affect you personally?

Speaker 4: 7:40

I don't really like it. I don't know.

Speaker 1: 7:41

It just feels funny. Especially don't like it now.

Speaker 4: 7:44

Well, okay. So it was incredible. It was the best free tool to build a business. And so then I had met my first husband, zach, while I was in. It was right before beauty school. My first husband, zach, while I was in. It was right before beauty school. And so we dated for several years. We got married in 2012.

Speaker 4: 8:00

I was one year out of school and I was working at a salon called Studio 8. And I really had built a great clientele and was staying busy. He had a marketing degree and so once my business kind of got to where I was like turning people away, we started really playing with the idea of opening a salon together, because the business he had a marketing job at was pretty much closing his department and he was going to have to go out and do freelance. And so we were really looking at, like, what are we doing? And he was like I could help you, like we could build a little business for you, and we were looking small.

Speaker 4: 8:36

And then the perfect space came open and it was in downtown Fayetteville and it was 5,000 square feet, wow. And we were like, on one hand, idiots, on the other hand, dreamers I don't know which one, but like we just went for it and we we really again like I think, when you are loving what you're doing, you're excited about it, you're genuinely sharing about it. People, they believe in you and they want to be a part of it, and so it. I'll never fully understand how it grew the way it did, but it was the most incredible experience. We really were able to build a great commission salon in Fayetteville together and I think it was just the perfect combination. Again, his talents, my talents, the time in history where where social media was like, again, it was just at the beginning and we loved what we were doing.

Speaker 1: 9:37

So it blew up Really awesome and you used your social media to promote your business and then it became part of your lifestyle and you also used it to promote advocacy for your son. I know I'm jumping ahead, yeah, no, that's well and that's what's interesting about how it grew, was I think so I've always been.

Speaker 4: 9:57

I go back and forth between OK, am I an overshare Do? I share too much and I do remember hearing people talk about the best way to grow your following is to share and be vulnerable, but I do think there's a fine line.

Speaker 1: 10:10

Yes.

Speaker 4: 10:10

So I was honest and shared about some infertility and how long it took us to get pregnant. Then I'm very genuinely overjoyed at pregnancy and then my son was born and I'm like, oh my gosh, motherhood. It was just incredible. But when we found out Everett has dwarfism when he was about five weeks old it was proposed when he was three days old and it was such a foreign concept to me. I'd never had much experience with it. I didn't know hardly anything about dwarfism and so I was caught very much in this place of okay, this is my child and I don't want to share too much about his life. I just remember feeling like I don't want to make him a child or an objectify him.

Speaker 4: 10:59

But at the same time as I started learning more and reading more, I started to recognize how many misconceptions and misrepresentations there are of people of short stature, people with dwarfism. There's over 200 types of dwarfism and I didn't really understand anything about it. So the more I learned, the more I realized wow, our world is so misguided when it comes to this specific type of disability. But also I think I had been really moved as a stylist, like working in the beauty industry, and just I had grown very weary of the same Pinterest photos the same popular looks. The same Pinterest photos the same popular looks, the same things. Women coming in who want to look a certain way that that's not. It's just not something that they can achieve without having to spend $2,000 on hair extensions. And I'd gotten to a place where I wanted to help people see who they were and embrace who, who you are not try to be this person you're seeing online in this overly filtered picture.

Speaker 4: 12:10

I'm like I don't even know if that's real.

Speaker 1: 12:13

Yeah, now today it might be AI, I know seriously.

Speaker 4: 12:16

It's like we don't even know it's real. So, you know, I really had started shifting in that direction anyway, of people being themselves and loving themselves for who they are. And then I have a child who has physical differences and I'm like I want to be a voice for this on some level. I read a book called Far From the Tree by Andrew Solomon. I almost feel like a little bit teary just thinking about it. That book was like life changing. It was a big, big moment for me as a mom of a child with a disability.

Speaker 4: 12:47

So this guy's a genius. He spent 10 years researching different types of disabilities or maybe like what you could call like a social anomaly, just people who are different, anything from dwarfism, deafness, down syndrome, transgender children. I think it was like children who commit crimes or murders. I can't remember all the topics right now, you guys. But the thing that was so interesting in the beginning of the book he's describing why he did this. He was a gay Jewish man who felt like, basically, he fell far from the tree and very unaccepted by his family. So he was like I want to be a voice for other people who feel like they fell far from the tree. Yeah. So he goes in and chooses these big, heavy topics and, as he was writing for 10 years, he would tell people like these are kind of the topics I'm doing.

Speaker 4: 13:39

This is the stuff I'm sharing about the one category, the one topic that garnered the most jokes and ridicule. The only one that garnered jokes and ridicule was dwarfism. Really yeah. So when I read that, I mean I was fired up. I was like these are human beings. Here's the problem. If you look at Hollywood and culture and media, people with dwarfism are typically playing elves or mythical creatures, the butt of the joke. I can't really think of very many, really any. I think there is. Remember anytime there is a situation where someone with dwarfism is portraying just a human character, people will tell me about it and I'm like, yes, I'm so glad to hear that Because for the most part, they're either a non-human character or they're the butt of the joke, and I think it's time for Hollywood to make a difference.

Speaker 4: 14:36

And so I just knew you know what, if I can just show us living our lives and that he is just another human, another kid living life, loving what he loves, like maybe the world can just he's just a person also, like people can see that and it can change their perspective as they go out in the world. But again, I didn't want to make him a poster child. So how do you do that?

Speaker 2: 14:56

Right.

Speaker 4: 14:57

That was hard, it's interesting. I think the reason why sometimes I get a little grossed out by the influencer thing is my following doubled when I shared, finally felt comfortable sharing, that Everett has dwarfism, and then, several years later, when Everett's father, my first husband, zach, passed away, my following doubled again. And so it was just one of those things where I started that account and wanted to grow, to grow a business. Right then life starts happening and then you're like whoa, this is I'm like living my life out here yeah things are happening and it did make me question like who?

Speaker 4: 15:40

who am I? Am I just supposed to talk about the? I don't know. It's just been an interesting journey to watch that I have goosebumps hearing you say that.

Speaker 1: 15:47

I think that I imagine that finding balance in that has been hard as well, and I know now. I love that you have sorry that I'm sharing this publicly, but that you have a personal Instagram also.

Speaker 4: 16:00

I did, and.

Speaker 1: 16:01

I love seeing the things that you're advocating for over here but then seeing your personal life as a friend like it's really. There's just a beautiful combination of finding balance and finding boundaries and all of that. I think that the social media world can be brutal, especially to people who have large followings and who get a lot of attention. Talk a little bit about. I'd like to hear just if you want to share your story of what you've walked through with your husband. Whatever, you're willing to share your first husband, absolutely. Passing away.

Speaker 1: 16:31

I know that was a pretty, it was a pretty big. You had a lot of eyes on you. I remember just being in this community and being in Fayetteville and being Fayetteville people. It was, it was, it was. Yeah, it was overwhelming.

Speaker 4: 16:41

It really was. We, like I said, we were living life very out loud. We were living online a lot. Zach was. He was larger than life. He was hilarious People. If you knew him, you wanted to be his friend and he treated people really great, so people just loved him. So when he died it was very tragically. He had a motorcycle accident, so it was very sudden on his birthday, on his 40th birthday, and because life was being lived online, so much like sharing about our business and advocating for dwarfism and just I don't know.

Speaker 4: 17:22

We just had built something in the local community and I had a very public. It went really big, like right after he passed. I did share about it and I also had some very deep spiritual experiences and I shared about those. I think I felt a lot of pressure as someone who is Christian, who does believe in glorifying God, even in the hard moments that I needed to do that. I stuffed away and hid a lot of the other elements of grief, the most dominant elements of grief, like anger, abandonment, like bargaining, all these things. Those were very private, right, but I didn't feel comfortable. So I shared all the good stuff online. The other thing that happened was because it was so sudden and so sad and just the story of this man who was a great man in the community, who passes unexpectedly on his birthday, who has a child with a disability and a business owner and all these things like the news was broadcasting it newspapers.

Speaker 4: 18:26

We couldn't go anywhere without people coming up and trying to buy our dinner or talk. I couldn't hardly go places without people stopping and talking to us and, on one hand, that was so comforting to know that people were so loving and so willing to give and to offer care and comfort, and like gifts were coming in to our house from all over, from people I didn't know, and like gifts were coming in to our house from all over from people I didn't know. And I just remember feeling like my dining room turned into a shrine and that was really overwhelming. And what do I do with all these things? And it put me in a place of feeling this permanent widowhood of like.

Speaker 4: 19:03

This is like who I am now, because this is what people are responding to were you like I'm so much more than that did you feel that internally ever no, not then because I will tell you, when he died, I literally felt like I died yeah, like so much inside when he died because of you, your life, who, your identity your future.

Speaker 4: 19:24

We were. We were I'd finally talked him into having another baby. We were. It's so much more than just that person. Your future dies. Yeah, your plans and we did our business together. We did so.

Speaker 2: 19:37

We were so intertwined, you're heavily invested in each other. Yeah, as a couple, and just yeah.

Speaker 4: 19:43

And he, he just was such a leader. He just took charge of everything. So I was like all through my 20s, miss Independent, working, going after this, going after that. Then Zach comes along and I'm like, oh, here's my hero. I can just chill. I still was a very hard worker and I was still like all that stuff, but he really just took care of everything. So on top of that, you're learning how to take care of yourself and your child. When people would ask how are you, I would say my answer was always this there's never been a day I've stayed in bed. I get up every morning with Everett. We're doing the best we can. But this is awful, but I do think I overshared a bit online.

Speaker 4: 20:23

It was very comforting for a while, but then it got to where I created this identity that I didn't want to be trapped in.

Speaker 1: 20:30

That makes sense. Do you feel like you found a way out of that identity in some regard? And I know we're talking about it, so it's still a part of when I look at you. I think of all these different things. Like I think I admire you so much as just a person, as a businesswoman, as a mom.

Speaker 4: 20:48

I feel the same way about you.

Speaker 1: 20:49

Well, thank you, and so I think, as you've walked further past that, and of course you're probably still grieving, I still oh, it comes out.

Speaker 4: 20:59

It like hits you in the weirdest times and places.

Speaker 1: 21:03

Weirdest times.

Speaker 4: 21:03

It is.

Speaker 1: 21:04

So, do you feel like you've been able to come out on the other end, to no longer be that just a widow or just a mom of a son?

Speaker 4: 21:13

with dwarfism. That's awesome.

Speaker 1: 21:15

So much, so much, let's talk a little bit about that.

Speaker 4: 21:17

Yeah, okay, yeah, I was diagnosed with complex PTSD. Definitely between even navigating your child having a rare genetic diagnosis is one thing Then him having medical complications, major, major surgery at 16 months old, where we had to find a neurosurgeon in California, someone experienced with dwarfism. If we would have done the surgery at Arkansas Children's, he would have been the first patient to ever have this surgery like this with this doctor, and we didn't want him to be the first. So navigating that, navigating all the trips for checkups and just that's a different. That's not what you expect when you're pregnant.

Speaker 4: 21:55

So that's traumatic Then losing Zach in a very traumatic public way. Keeping the business alive Eight months after Zach passed was the pandemic and quarantining and shutdowns and feeling separated from people who were like there for you.

Speaker 2: 22:11

That is tough timing it was again.

Speaker 4: 22:14

That's why they you know, I finally was diagnosed with complex PTSD so I ended up selling Crown Beauty Bar. At the time we had three locations, so Zach was a business builder. That guy figured out how to build a brand and grow it. I felt like I was clinging to the bumper of his speeding car by the end of it.

Speaker 4: 22:35

So in 2019, I was like, oh my gosh. So I sold all of that. By 2021, I sold the businesses, I sold our house and I said I need a fresh start. Forever at night. I've got to break out of these cycles so I can figure out how am I going to move forward. And it's not moving on, okay, because?

Speaker 4: 22:56

you're forever imprinted on, but it's moving forward. I have amazing community and family and I didn't want to completely leave that. But a part of me was like shoot, I just want to like, sell everything and travel the world, and Everett and I have a different lifestyle. That just wasn't going to happen, so we moved to.

Speaker 4: 23:15

Bentonville in 21. And that was the first step for me reclaiming and trying to figure out who am I moving forward, selling everything and just taking a new start. So I found this great townhome in downtown Bentonville and created a little salon studio. Another way that I pulled back from oversharing and from the public eye was I just I quit sharing everything. I just I did. I pulled back, I crawled into a cocoon. I realized I can't keep up with this anymore and I'm done being the the poster child for widowhood. And I just remember how many people would say oh, you need to write a book someday, you need to do this, you need to do that. And I was just like I don't really know that this is. I don't know, know that this is. I don't know that this is my story, I don't know if this is, this is a part of it and it's a huge part of it. Yeah, but I don't know that I'm going to write the Christian widowhood book.

Speaker 1: 24:13

It's not me, don't yeah, it's not you, it's not.

Speaker 4: 24:26

There's so much time when you feel like you're trying to build a brand or name off something. It didn't feel like it was for me and so I started doing hair up here by myself just my regular clients. I literally did crawl in a cocoon and I loved it. Everett and I living downtown, we just walked everywhere. We started developing community in Bentonville, got involved at his little school when he started kindergarten and it's just been the most incredible way to start over for us. We love it so much. How old is Everett now? He's eight now.

Speaker 2: 24:55

Eight and a half, eight and a half. Okay.

Speaker 4: 24:57

Yeah, so it's been five years since his dad passed and then three years, three and a half years, since we moved to Bentonville.

Speaker 2: 25:05

So what's the biggest difference between living there versus? Well, obviously, the university. But what do you like about living down in Bentonville versus Fayetteville?

Speaker 4: 25:17

So Zach and I actually had our eyes on Bentonville before because we could see it being a little bit more of a progressive community, but one that was more rooted in family, and we, with the Amazium and Crystal Bridges and just seeing what was coming to Bentonville and the way the farmer's market or just everything that happened at the square, seemed to be a little bit more family focused whereas. Fayetteville was a little more party university, young adult life.

Speaker 4: 25:45

Yeah, so that was a big draw was university young adult life, so that was a big draw. Was that Bentonville felt more family focused. I also have background in interior design. I have an associates in art, I love the arts and so that was a big draw to me. We were obsessed with Crystal Bridges and hearing about the momentary opening, and so that was probably the biggest draw.

Speaker 2: 26:07

Was that it's a little I I feel like more family focused do you feel like sharing your life with everett has maybe changed the way people see you know someone with dwarfism because that, because I don't personally know a lot about it either.

Speaker 2: 26:20

But I know that, like my daughter's reading wonder right now and we've watched the movie and it's such a like, an incredibly inspiring story about changing the way people see versus trying to change people around us. Yeah, into what we think normal. Yes, because really I don't think there is a normal. My daughter's always like I think I'm weird. I'm like, well, I am too. I think everyone's weird to a certain degree, right, they? Just try to hide it and look normal Right, and some people's differences are just more apparent than others.

Speaker 4: 26:51

But that doesn't mean we kicked the word normal out of our vocabulary, yeah, and now we use average. So I would never want it like. People would say like well, you're like normal height, never, it's short stature, short stature, and I'm like, no, I'm average height, I'm like actually above average height per week, like. So we kicked out the word normal and I also would say things like I say this to the kids all the time not, I have a stepdaughter now, and then Everett like what people look like is like the least interesting thing it is and that can change so easily.

Speaker 4: 27:18

Yes, changing on the inside and who you are on the inside is what we talk about. That a lot. We just I don't talk about what I look like in front of the kids, it's just a role like we just we do. We just don't talk about what people look like, and I think you're right like the more our kids can see differences in people, physical differences, abilities, things like that and it's not shush or it's not talked about in a negative way the more they just are like oh yeah, yeah, everybody's just different.

Speaker 2: 27:47

Yeah, I think that's just a great foundation for kids, yeah, and I think some people that don't have direct relatives or family members or friends that don't have disabilities, they may have just more understanding or more learning to do. And I think that's why it's a great platform, because my girls have learned from a young age just because we have relatives with Down syndrome and Tourette's and just being on the spectrum.

Speaker 4: 28:14

So I just guide them because when they're little they may point something out, but then that's when you say like we don't talk about the way people look and because you're right, like you can be, maybe pretty on the outside, oh yeah, you're noticing something's different.

Speaker 2: 28:24

We don't talk about the way people look, because you're right, you can be maybe pretty on the outside, and that's relative anyway right, right Totally. But maybe you're ugly on the inside, or the reverse. Maybe you're not classically considered, but then when you get to know someone, they become really beautiful to you.

Speaker 4: 28:43

Right.

Speaker 2: 28:44

So that's what I always try to explain to them too. And then just communicating, like with our cousin with down syndrome, it's, she just communicates differently, yes, and and it's just learning how to communicate with her, yeah, and then her to you, and then that's okay and the more we can like reiterate, like it's okay if you're, if you're in a I I.

Speaker 4: 29:04

one of my advocacy, like I like to share, is just giving parents tips for how to handle those awkward moments out in public. So if your child says something, then the best thing you can do is just say, oh yeah, you're noticing something, looks different, and to not shush, like that's my number one kind of guideline is don't shush them when they say something, because then that tells them, oh, that is bad.

Speaker 2: 29:27

Oh, that's a great tip.

Speaker 4: 29:29

So you just it's okay, because I promise you, anybody who has a disability knows they have it, yeah, and that they would rather hear it approached that way than like come on get away.

Speaker 4: 29:43

Because then that makes them feel like you know, approached that way, then like come on, get away, because then that makes them feel like you know. So Everett, in addition to having dwarfism, has a facial palsy, and it was something we started noticing when he was like eight or nine months old that doctors have really. It's just plagued everyone Like even a doctor that we saw in California was like you can't really find the root of it. We don't really know what this is. So he gets actually more attention from people in public about the facial palsy than he even does about his stature, and a lot of times kids will make comments like gosh, why does his face look so weird? And I ask Everett I'm really trying to teach him how to speak up for himself because he acts like he doesn't care. I don't know if he really feels that way. Right, he will literally just look at someone, shrug his shoulders and turn around and walk off and go do something.

Speaker 4: 30:34

He literally acts like he doesn't care, I don't know. I've asked him and he's like I don't know. Or I'll say hey, they're asking you a question. Do you want to talk to them about it? And he's like no, mom, will you just do it? Well, yes, I would helicopter around him and speak up for him and do things for him, but he's getting to an age now he's going to have to start doing it for himself also. So that's a big goal of mine is getting him to advocate for himself. But I still am doing it and teaching him how to do it. So it's like someone says what's wrong with his face. I'll say, well, there's nothing wrong with him. He has a facial palsy, so one side of his face doesn't move as much, right, but he's okay.

Speaker 2: 31:12

Yeah, that's good as he gets older, because he's going to be dealing with older girls and boys that mom coming to the rescue won't help. It'll be and just shut it down or just make them feel that's what I've said is to tell them like there's ways that you can disarm.

Speaker 4: 31:31

Yes, Like gosh, you're having a hard time being nice or Right. Or yeah, I'm. Or if someone says like you're so short, or he's like yeah, I know I'm short, like what's the big deal? You know something where he can be disarming?

Speaker 4: 31:44

And like I tell him all the time, yeah you. And like I tell them all the time, yeah, there's differences. Own it, you know, just to empower, I do a lot of empowerment. And I'll tell you that kid lacks zero confidence. He is so confident I can already say he's an Enneagram 8. He has a red aura.

Speaker 3: 32:00

He is like A red aura yeah, that's my like hidden thing, I'm obsessed with auras.

Speaker 4: 32:05

But he is.

Speaker 2: 32:10

He's just like a total go-getter. It's incredible. So he's got the essence of his father.

Speaker 4: 32:12

I was just gonna absolutely the sense of humor. I tell him all the time like I know you only remember your dad through pictures and videos and the books I've made for you. But, oh my gosh, you act just like him to talk like him.

Speaker 2: 32:25

His sense of humor it's his legacy lives on 100. Yeah, that's so awesome. Yeah, that's really special.

Speaker 1: 32:31

I love I love the whole disarming. I have a quick, funny story about disarming. Ardelia hurt her ankle and she had to be on crutches this last week and there was like kids teasing her in her class like, oh, you're faking it, you're faking it and I go go. Why don't you turn to brody and you just say, maybe I am. Oh, she's like mom, I cannot say that the next day at school, she, I pick her up and she goes, she goes, I did it. What'd?

Speaker 1: 32:56

you do she goes? I told Brody maybe I am faking and I go. What do you do? She goes? He said I knew it and she I go. What'd you say she goes? I just turned and started doing my work.

Speaker 2: 33:08

Oh my gosh, I love it. Are you fake? I always like to come up with little one-liners, but I use the old ones, like I know you are. But what am I and my kids are like? That is outdated.

Speaker 1: 33:18

We need a new one. I'm like, okay, all right.

Speaker 2: 33:20

Pee Wee Herman, that one's not. I can't me. I want her and both of my kids to be able to like disarm, yes, but like in nice ways, because sometimes I'll be like, yeah, because sometimes they're not nice what I say, but I'm like wait I was like I said.

Speaker 1: 33:38

I said maybe you should ask brody if he has a brain. No wait, don't ask him. That's not very nice, like let's not do that, just we can banter a little bit. But we'll be nice, we need to be we need to be nice, we don't need to add fuel to the fire.

Speaker 2: 33:51

The three things that I say to my kids before something comes out of their mouth. And I try to live like this too.

Speaker 2: 33:56

I'm not saying I always do, especially after some wine, but we're human we're human I think, is it true, is it kind and is it necessary? So it could meet the first two, but do you have to say it right, true, is it kind? And then, because I think it's one thing to be like blunt or even if something's true doesn't need to be said, but could you say it kind if it does need to be said? So I try to just. If my kids learn anything from me I know they're going to learn a lot in school or whatever I just hope that they're kind people. Yep, because I mean I had my, my flaws, but growing up I was always kind, especially to like the outcast or the people that fell far from the tree, like my mom said. When I was younger, I punched a little boy in the stomach. I'm not saying you should resolve it this way, but I was like I was. I was helping another with a disability, disability and they were making fun of this student and I. I should not have resorted to physical violence, but I was young and so, from a young age, I have been like middle school all right

Speaker 1: 35:03

and so I think it's awesome that you punch somebody like I said, I tell my kids not to do that.

Speaker 2: 35:08

I think that's just a rite of passage I had been punched before in the stomach, so I think that I thought that was a.

Speaker 4: 35:14

Well, that's what I tell the kids too. When kids are mean Is I will tell them you do not deserve to be treated that way. And I'm so sorry, and I'm always like, who's the adult, who's the helpful adult? And this is what I tell them. Here's the deal Most of the time when kids are mean, they've learned it somewhere and so they need help. Maybe they don't know how to be kind, maybe someone's abusing them.

Speaker 2: 35:50

It's true, and I think that's so true. Maybe they don't know how and they're just yeah, because hurt people, hurt people a lot of times, or they just haven't been taught.

Speaker 4: 36:00

I think you're right and there needs to be accountability, because I was like listen, let's have some compassion, but also you do not deserve that.

Speaker 2: 36:09

And like, the reason I never homeschooled because I did consider it after covid was because I thought it was really important for these hard situations with their kids totally like I always tell my kids these hard moments and these failures or whatever it is like, this is how we turn you into you. Yeah your character because we all have a different walk in life and we have to learn how to operate in society and with people and how to treat people yeah and people are going to be when we don't curse on our podcast.

Speaker 2: 36:35

Yes, what I'm saying? Rude but, there's also really sometimes people I do crap, just catch me off. Can we throw a big old bleep?

Speaker 1: 36:43

yes, because we are going to encounter so many different types of people and, yeah, and I think for kids to like recognizing they're going to encounter people that don't come from the same socioeconomic background the same cultural background, the same, whatever it is background and as they meet kids in just different spheres and different spaces and different chapters of their lives, to help them be prepared for that and help them to know that that I love telling my kids, like most kids aren't looking at you and judging you like they're worried about themselves.

Speaker 2: 37:14

Yes, worried about themselves, and same for adults, like get very caught up in or if you're like me at night. You're like did I overshare that party? Did I say too much? What did I say again?

Speaker 1: 37:26

probably nobody cared every time nobody does care and the people that do care. If somebody cares that you overshared something about your life like, bleep them like that's for themselves to figure out, yeah, she knows, I don't overshare in social, but I definitely overshare on a one-on-one level.

Speaker 4: 37:45

Oh yes, you do, I realized I realized a lot of my oversharing was really trying to prove myself and was rooted in a lot of insecurity. And so over the last five years I have done so much healing work with therapists, self books, all the things spiritually, even various spiritual practices. I'm practically I'm like a probably more of a christian mystic. Now like there's other practices.

Speaker 4: 38:09

We should connect them, because I'm a yoga teacher and christian, I know that's weird the meditation and yoga and like restorative yoga, like the things that I've done to try to help heal my nervous system. Through that I have healed even childhood trauma. That here's the deal. My parents are great, everybody's great. You can't get out. You can't get out of childhood without some trauma. Okay, so right, there's things to heal and I I do believe that has been another contributing factor to why I have been able to pull back in a little bit and then also why I did create a private page that truly it's like if I don't have your phone number and if we don't talk regularly, like this truly is like I do want to protect the kids identity more because, yeah, now there's like ai and all kinds of things and it's just like why this is their lives and I'd love to share with close, close friends and family yeah not with everyone, so advocacy looks a little different.

Speaker 4: 39:05

It's sharing little bits, but not as many pictures and not as many. I don't know. I'm just trying to figure out how to navigate this really big, open world with a little bit more discretion now?

Speaker 1: 39:16

Sure, and I think that that's important, and I think everyone's going to do that differently, and I love hearing you talk about the healing and all the things that you've walked through to get to where you're at today, and it's in light of the social media and what you're sharing and what you're not going to share, like you're going to do what works for you.

Speaker 2: 39:36

Can I ask you something random though, because we're talking about something spiritual, because I am Christian but I have done like spirit Native American cards in Sedona with like pulling rods and I've done some stuff, some out there spiritual stuff. So what is the? What is like the craziest or you don't have to share it, but like most out there spiritual thing that you've done like I think.

Speaker 4: 40:01

For me it doesn't seem out there anymore. Well, sure, but but for other people, especially what I would say like really more conservative Christians would, I think they would be upset to know that I love Reiki. I almost said Reiki. Trauma on a cellular level that is so stored in our bodies that, like talk therapy, four years of cbt and doing emdr, which is a very, very intense trauma-based therapy, tool couldn't get to.

Speaker 2: 40:37

I'm telling you, I have another christian friend who did it after she suffered a loss. Yeah well, she had a miscarriage and I'm telling you that is what helped her. I got attuned myself a month ago.

Speaker 4: 40:49

I decided that I wanted to become Reiki attuned for myself and my family. Only, I'm not looking to become a practitioner, but I do it every night at bed. I do it on myself. I've done it on my husband's back. My husband was also raised Christian. His parents were missionaries. Very, very conservative background. So, raised Christian, his parents were missionaries. Very, very conservative background. And he has been so supportive and really witnessed the healing I've gone through since he's known me Well. You have good energy, thank you. I've really cleaned up my aura.

Speaker 1: 41:19

Yeah, I love it, so you mentioned his aura.

Speaker 4: 41:22

I found this woman. I just learned about understanding a person's aura.

Speaker 2: 41:26

Can you read auras? Wait, I've always been told. Well, I won't tell you what color people think mine is, but I I went to someone who, like, has read them before. Uh-huh, it's very interesting to me. So what's like danielle's aura? You know, it's so sunny I kind of wonder if well so.

Speaker 4: 41:43

So here's the thing I don't see them. I think I am what I say. I don't even remember all the words. I think I'm clear. It's like a knowing, like it's just like this, like I always have been that way. I've always been able to follow that really strong intuition and gut feeling and it's so important for me to stay in tune with that and to trust myself, because I have a tendency to seek approval and people pleasing and that will get in the way. So I've always got to come back to self and trusting myself. I think danielle has a very sunny disposition. There could be some yellow and some pink. She also has very, a very sensitive empathic nature to her and I definitely think she has blue.

Speaker 1: 42:20

I love that this is a great. She is sunny. We could have a whole podcast she's very sunny, yes yes, very sunny. I've been told that before. That's probably the best word to describe her.

Speaker 2: 42:31

I know sunny just joy one of my favorite joy that's who you would be in the movie.

Speaker 1: 42:39

Yeah, a little bit of anxiety, yeah, aren't we?

Speaker 4: 42:41

all we're all mixed a little bit I've been trying to turn on the ennui yeah it's more on more ennui in my life.

Speaker 2: 42:47

Yeah, so awesome.

Speaker 1: 42:49

I love what you talk about, like the making sure you're not blocked by the people pleasing, and the performance based, because that's something I just had a conversation.

Speaker 2: 42:56

I'm a recovering people, pleaser.

Speaker 1: 42:58

I had a conversation with somebody recently about that, about just like so much of my life was that so much like performance based as a kid. And then when I became a Christian in high school, then my Christianity became performance based and I was very legalistic in how I lived my faith out. And so it's just very interesting like coming into my 40s and being like okay, I'm coming into my 40s. I'm about to leave my 40s in a few years. I thought you turned 40 next year I'm 47.

Speaker 1: 43:25

Did you not know that? No, I would have never guessed that. No, I just turned 47 this summer. So it's just yeah, danielle also door dashed me my birthday present.

Speaker 2: 43:34

Yeah, I door dashed everything. I love it. That's so 2024. I am not personal at all.

Speaker 1: 43:39

I loved it.

Speaker 4: 43:40

No, but that's what I love about learning about auras and Enneagram and all these things. I love people being themselves and that's okay.

Speaker 2: 43:48

I'm a six, you're a seven. Oh yeah, yeah, my husband's a seven.

Speaker 1: 43:53

I think it's an eight, but then I think it's a six. My wing is both what you probably use, both A lot of people can like.

Speaker 4: 44:01

I read it one time. I liked the way it was worded resource Some people resource both wings. Some lean more heavily on the other one.

Speaker 1: 44:14

Yeah, that's probably more. Mine is. I probably resource both all right before. So we we probably need to wrap things up, although our listeners will probably love this episode really quick. Tell us just a quick version of how you met eric.

Speaker 4: 44:20

Okay, yeah, and because we can't leave without we can know this is like yes, this is the bow, this is the the bow on top. So I moved to Bentonville. I deep into healing all this type of stuff, focusing on myself, on Everett. And one day we were at the Amazium with one of my best friends, lisa, and her little girls, and you're just running around chasing your child and Everett, like I said, he's a leader. He has a tendency to get bossy and dominate sections and so I have to follow him and make sure he's. So I'll go over and I noticed this man and his daughter and I'm just standing there and then I look over and I'm like, oh, he's cute. And he looks over and he starts talking.

Speaker 4: 44:57

We chatted a few seconds and then I walk back to my friend and evidently I was blushing and she was like oh my gosh, I have not seen this on you in years. This is great. And she's like, by the way, he doesn't have a ring on. So she made it. Oh, I know y'all seriously, she made it her mission to track him down before we left the amazium and she did. She chased him down a hallway literally as they were leaving. She's like, oh my god, there he goes. She. Literally it was like one of those like hold my beer. She gets up and runs down the hallway and then she gets to him and the funny part was I was like, what did you say? She goes. Well, I stopped, I was like I didn't know what to say. She says, okay, so my really cute friend over there, she's single. And I was curious if you're single, single. And he's like, well, actually I am, and he's such an old soul. He pulls out a business card oh my god, and he hands her a business card and she comes sauntering back in the room and she's like, holding up this business card, hands it to me, and I was like a business card, like I have to contact him first, call the office. Yeah, so then we get back to my house and I'm like, okay, I don't know how to do this, like I'm not playing games. Okay, hang on real quick.

Speaker 4: 46:13

Right before this all happened, we had been sitting in the little Walmart section of the Amazium and she asked if I was open to dating and if I would consider online dating or being set up, and I was like, okay, I'm open to dating, but he's literally going to have to land in my lap. I'm not doing online. I'm open to dating, but he's literally going to have to land in my lap. I'm not doing online dating. I'm terrified. To expose random men to my child and into my life Like this is scary. This is different. He will have to fall in my lap. Okay, so that happened minutes before.

Speaker 4: 46:43

And then he just walks over, and then he started falling in my lap and I sent him a text within an hour. I was like you know what? I'm not playing games. Girl, get out of town.

Speaker 2: 46:55

Because I wanted to pass the ball to him. Yeah, and.

Speaker 4: 46:57

I said hey, this is Kelly. My friend Approached you today at the Amazium and I just wanted to say hi, if you'd like to chat sometime, this is where you can. This is my number, very simple, and he's like I'm so glad she did. And so we chatted a little bit. The first three times we hung out we're all going on walks during the day, and I was the next day. We exchanged more and I was very honest with him. I said, listen, I've been through a lot. Dating is terrifying to me. I would totally be willing to like meet you for a walk during the day. I'm not getting a babysitter, I'm not like. I just laid it out like I guess, when you've lost so much and you're where, I felt like I, what do I have to lose? Yeah, I'm not playing games?

Speaker 2: 47:40

yeah, why? Why not be honest about what it is that you really want?

Speaker 4: 47:43

yeah, and your boundaries and just my boundaries and I just so. Then we did, we hung out, we went on walks, we went to lunch. We just started out really sweetly as friends and he is literally like dropped in my lap like heaven above, like kind of guy. He's the sweetest man. He has a daughter that is six months older than my son oh, that's perfect. And we dated for couple of years and we just got married last year in June, in 2023.

Speaker 2: 48:11

Congratulations. Thank you.

Speaker 4: 48:14

It was just really an incredible gift to know Eric. He's a builder in the community and now I am working with him part time doing design work with him. So I've officially totally retired from doing hair and back to my original art and interior design roots Full circle, yes.

Speaker 2: 48:35

I was going to ask you what you're doing now, so I'm glad to know.

Speaker 4: 48:37

So, interior design Interior design and very part-time, honestly. I'm so involved with my son's school and like just loving motherhood, yeah, and feeling like I'm living in this kind of breath of fresh air, like I don't know. I really do feel like life has like turned a major, major corner.

Speaker 1: 48:57

That is so awesome. Well, Kelly, thank you so much for coming on our podcast today.

Speaker 2: 49:01

Thank you for sharing.

Speaker 4: 49:02

I know we could like it felt so good to share at this point in life.

Speaker 2: 49:06

Like.

Speaker 4: 49:06

I can feel just like it feels good to share again. I love it.

Speaker 1: 49:10

Thank you for sharing so much with us too, and I'm really excited for our listeners to hear more about your life.

Speaker 2: 49:18

Yeah, I think that it was great to hear just the chapters that you've gone through and then I hope that it also inspires anyone out there that maybe is in that chapter where they feel like that is who they are when they're not seeing at a major life change change, life trauma crisis.

Speaker 4: 49:37

That, yes, that it, you don't have to stay, you're, you're not stuck there.

Speaker 2: 49:41

Yeah, yes, yeah well, I love it. Thank you for coming in and I hope that, uh, maybe we can have you on again in the future. I would love to thank you so much for having me. Do you want to plug? Well, first of all, tell our listeners how they can find your public account.

Speaker 4: 49:54

My public account is HelloLionHearts. That's on Instagram and I'm just on Instagram. I don't do TikTok or Twitter or any of the other stuff.

Speaker 2: 50:02

Yeah Well, thank you. Yeah Well, follow her. Follow her and you can see her stories and I know that Cute husband yeah there we go.

Speaker 1: 50:11

He is cute, he really is adorable.

Speaker 4: 50:13

Give his. Oh, he's so talented, you guys. He's an old soul. He loves restoring old homes, so he's all residential. He will do new builds, remodels, all the things. But he does have a passion for historic homes. He's done some incredible work in downtown Bentonville, Springdale and Fayetteville. It's Hanson Design and Construction I think you will love they are true artisans. He has a team of like 11 guys right now True carpenters, tile setters, artisans. They're incredible to watch.

Speaker 2: 50:42

So cool. Look at you guys building and designing your lives together. Building a life and building a home.

Speaker 4: 50:48

We love it. We're remodeling a home right now.

Speaker 2: 50:50

Oh, wow, yes, Okay, I can't wait to watch that. All right, well, thank you, kelly, thank you all so much. Hey, thanks so much for listening today. If you liked what you heard, please consider subscribing to the podcast so you never miss an episode. You can also follow us on Instagram at peopleofn. Thanks so much.

Speaker 3: 51:05

People of Northwest Arkansas with the two Danielle's produced by me. Brock Short of Civil Republic Productions. Please rate, review and like us on any podcast platform where you listen. For more information about today's guests and the show, please check the show notes. Thanks for listening.