Enneagram Curiosity And Guest Intro

SPEAKER_01 0:11

Danielle, have you heard about the Enneagram? Actually, I know you have. So it's funny that I'm asking you have heard about it. Everyone's heard about it. Almost everybody, but not everyone.

SPEAKER_02 0:21

Yes, I have, and I took a test a long time ago online. I didn't have to pay for it, so I'm not sure how high quality it was. But when I tell people that I'm a six, no one is surprised and they're all like, yeah, you seem like the helper. So I'm just I'm letting them affirm my I affirm that. Is it Enneagram or Enneagram?

SPEAKER_01 0:39

We're gonna find out today. So we have a guest. Alex Fitton is in the studio and she is an Enneagram coach. And we're super excited to talk to her about her life and her journey into the Enneagram and also what it's like to be married to Brian Fitton. Like, what is that all about? I mean, it's gotta be a whole thing. So for those of you listening, Brian has been on our show before. He's with Go Rogue Studio, produced our podcast with the mayor of Bentonville. So good friend, the host let us host Daniel's 40th birthday party at his studio. Yes. We trashed it. Finding astronauts in my office. That is amazing. We didn't trash it, but we definitely

Moving To NWA During Recession

SPEAKER_01 1:20

love little mini astronauts everywhere. And by we, I mean me. So you're well you're welcome, Alex. You're welcome. My clients enjoy it. This is my way that I show my love to people is by teasing. So anyway, so welcome, Alex. Hey, thanks. I'm so excited to be here. So excited to have you. So tell us a little bit about your journey to Northwest Arkansas. That's one of our favorite kind of first opening questions to ask our guest is how did you end up here?

SPEAKER_03 1:47

Ooh, and actually it's it's a really good question. It's so much better of a question than where are you from? Because I never know how to answer that question. Because I've lived in Northwest Arkansas longer than I've lived anywhere else. But I moved here my senior year of high school, which is a terrible time to move your child to a new city. But we moved during the recession in 2007. It was like when that was starting to hit. My dad had worked in construction before that. And so didn't have a job anymore all of a sudden. So we moved here where he could find a job. So I had to, as an extrovert, moving to a new town senior year, nobody is trying to make friends their senior year of high school. Right. And so I had to kind of like bully my way into a friend group, and then it was over. And then we graduated and didn't matter anymore.

SPEAKER_02 2:32

You're like, I'm going to be your friends.

SPEAKER_03 2:34

I'm going to be your friends.

SPEAKER_02 2:35

She was like the resident Monica.

SPEAKER_03 2:38

Yeah. Yep, exactly. And then I went to the UV, met Brian, and we just kind of stuck around. So I've been here a long time, but I didn't grow up here. So it feels a little like weird to say I'm from here. Right. I call I mean it's definitely home.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

Yeah. Yeah. That's a really great place to live too. And that's so I bullied my way into friendship groups. That's hilarious.

SPEAKER_02 3:01

I think if you went to high school here, you can say you're from here. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:05

I think so.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

That's long enough to say you're from here.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

I feel like if you moved here before you were 18 or right around them. 17, yeah. Yeah. Then you're from here. Okay. Because you weren't an adult yet. So I wasn't an adult yet.

SPEAKER_03 3:17

I did not actually graduate from high school here. Really? Wait, how does that work? That's a whole other complicated. I don't know if we have time to that. That's my that's definitely Brian's favorite, like it's not a trick, but like party a fun fact to say about me is that, okay, here's the story. You can cut this out if you would like. But I moved here. I had come from Springfield, Missouri, where I had homeschooled part of my time. Okay. And I had enough credits in Missouri to graduate early. But I moved here. I was 17. I was like, well, I don't know what to do now. I'm finished with high school, quote unquote. And then we found out that Arkansas requires one more science credit than Missouri. And I was like, well, I can go to a high school and just take a science class. And then I ended up taking drama just for fun and to make friends. So I took two classes and I was going to graduate. And then when it came time for graduation, they looked at my transcript and they were like, oh, actually, we can't count some of these credits because they're from a different state and they're homeschool credits. So you actually can't graduate. I mean, I bought a cap and gown. I had, and then we were like, well, can you just let me walk with my friends? And they were like, sure. And then they were like, actually, never mind, like a few days later. So I had to sit in the audience and watch all my friends that I had clawed my way into their friend group, graduate, and I never graduated. But I did graduate college. So I the joke is that I'm a high school dropout with a college degree.

SPEAKER_01 4:39

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 4:39

Because I never graduated high school.

SPEAKER_01 4:41

But I do that's just an amazing story.

SPEAKER_03 4:45

Isn't that amazing?

SPEAKER_01 4:46

And it wasn't not too long at all. That was a great captured it very well and it was very entertaining. I was like, okay, I want to know more still though. Yeah. But did you ever like take pictures in your cap and gown or do anything with it? Or did you just like throw this trash away?

SPEAKER_03 5:03

No, here's what. No, actually, okay, I have my college graduation gown, but I don't, I think I got rid of my high school one. I did take pictures. I took senior pictures, and I think I took a couple of pictures in my cap and gown, but I also think that I don't like I don't know where those are. I never printed them because I think I was violently protesting. I was like stupid. Didn't get to wear it.

SPEAKER_01 5:20

Who what school do we need to trash talk in?

SPEAKER_03 5:22

Danielle's like, no. I've told you, I'll tell you more in the recording.

SPEAKER_01 5:25

I don't want them to be like bachelor's degree cancelled.

SPEAKER_03 5:29

Take sea back, C's.

SPEAKER_01 5:31

So you went to the U of A. What were you studying at the U of A?

SPEAKER_03 5:34

I have a degree in communication, which surprise, surprise. Right. Surprise, surprise. So yeah, I I always thought it was really funny that that people joked about that being like the throwaway degree or the athlete degree. Because I was like, this is actually very cool. Like, this is what I want to do. I was fascinated in all of my classes, especially interpersonal communication. And that's sort of what became my specialty. I was less interested in like organizational calm or mediated calm, but I loved anything just having to do with understanding people. I love people. I'm fascinated by people. I love understanding like how we tick and how we think and where we're coming from and why we do the things we do, which is very fitting for what I do now. But yeah, I always thought it was really funny that people are like, oh, communication, ha ha. And I'm like, why? Why is that a joke? Good degree.

SPEAKER_01 6:20

It is a good degree. I agree. Daniel's agree. Communication's a good idea. Daniel approval. Yeah, we give you a approval. We give you the big stamp for that. I I think because back in the day it used to be one of those things where it's like you're either undeclared or you're communications. Right. And like basically communications is like undeclared. Like you don't know what to you want to do with your life. Yeah. And it's so different the just the state of things now or just the climate of education now and how it's not pushed as much to find that one thing to do and do it the rest of your life. There can be kind of these pivots and there can be different opportunities that come in. And as you grow and kind of learn more about yourself, you don't have to stick with this one thing. And so it's kind of funny. It's like, well, you know what? Now all those communication people are like, yeah, so let me tell you about that now. Like that's right. I can do anything with this degree. Yeah. That's so true. It's so interesting when you think about it. But yeah, yeah, yeah. That's cool. So you got a degree, and then when did the Enneagram stuff start? We can we can go back and talk about like Brian, kids, things like that, but let's talk about the Enneagram really quick.

SPEAKER_03 7:34

Yeah. How do I get my start in the Enneagram? Yeah. So I I was doing another podcast. So I had a podcast for a few years about adoption. And I had always been pretty interested in personality typing systems, but it was never something I like dove in. You know, I would be like, oh, this is really cool. This is so interesting. But the Enneagram sort of resurfaced. It's ancient. So it's not, it didn't come out or it wasn't invented, but it sort of resurfaced because there was a book called The Road Back to You that came out, and everyone was like, Oh my gosh, have you heard of the Enneagram? It was like 2016. And I had, it was actually my sister who was like, Have you heard of this? You should take this free online test. And I did, and I was very quickly obsessed. I was very interested in this. It felt like all of my passions for wanting to understand people, wanting to get to know people, wanting to connect with people, it felt like here's this roadmap. Here's this ability to do that in a better way. And so I just like really dove into it. I just could not stop learning about it. And I'm fast-forwarding a little bit because I still have this other podcast. And I ended up doing a one season where there was an overlap. I did like an adoption and the Enneagram. And then once it was over, I was really sad because I was like, well, that's it. There's not really another way to merge these two passions of mine. So I did another season of the podcast, but meanwhile, I'm still researching, I'm still learning, I'm still obsessing. And my husband, Brian, who is a three, which, if you know the Enneagram, that's really funny because they're the achievers. And he was like, All right, if you're gonna be this obsessed with it and if you're gonna talk about it nonstop, then we need to monetize this. And

The High School Graduation Plot Twist

SPEAKER_03 9:10

so he was the one that was like, you need, you should like do this professionally. And I was like, okay. So I got my certification and yeah, went from there. I'll I'll pause in the story, but that's sort of how I got my start in it. And I love it. It's what I do now professionally, and I will work it into a conversation with you if if I have the opportunity, and I will probably try to find the opportunity.

SPEAKER_01 9:33

That's amazing.

SPEAKER_02 9:33

Yeah. So with coaching, if someone wanted to start coaching and find out their Enneagram, would they book a session with you and they would have to take a maybe more, I don't know, thorough test than maybe we could find online? That's a really thorough test.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

Well no, that is a good question. I'm excited to hear what you're doing.

SPEAKER_02 9:51

And then no, I'm just curious what that process looks like. Yeah. So and I I'm guessing people will come, do they come primarily professionally or is it personally, or is it kind of a mix of both?

SPEAKER_03 10:01

No, it's a those are really great questions. So in answer to your question, yes, people will book a session with me. I have two places that I work. So I work for a therapy clinic. I am not a therapist, but that's actually where I got my start with coaching because I knew that the therapy clinic I work for now, I knew that they used the Enneagram a lot in their practice. And so whenever I got my certification, I reached out and I was like, hey, I think you need an Enneagram coach on your team. And they were like, I think we do. And so that's where I started. So because of that, I had never, I wasn't a coach before that. And so I didn't know how, like, quote, how to coach. And so my process is very therapeutic in nature. Like I, it feels it's not therapy. Let me just be really clear about that. But it feels very therapeutic. And I wasn't aware that that was weird until I started coaching outside of the therapy clinic. And people were like, this is not like normal coaching. And I was like, oh, it's not. And then for like a minute, I was like, am I doing it wrong? And then I decided I didn't care. So I still take a very therapeutic approach to my coaching. But outside of the therapy clinic, I work with a lot of businesses, yes. And so I still have some individual clients outside of the therapy clinic, but a lot of my clients are organizations and I help them integrate the Enneagram into their internal culture. And so I'll work with their leadership people, you know, level team and certainly like ownership or C-suite level people. And then we work together to collaborate on how to trickle it down into the rest of their team or the rest of their organization. And then I do trainings. So I really love getting to do all of it. I love getting to sit with people one-on-one and help them with, you know, their deeper journey. But I also love getting to talk to a big group of people and help them see each other and connect. And, you know, whether that's a team builder or whether that's like a half day workshop to really hone in on their team and bond together, I just think it's all really fun. And then in answer to the test question, so I'm gonna be a little bit obnoxious for a second. I'm not, I don't think that like tests are bad and evil, but I just think they're not that helpful. They communicate to people that the test is the boss of them or that the answer that the test spits out based on a computer algorithm that doesn't understand human souls, they think that like that's the boss, that's the answer that's forever. And they the where they can be helpful is if they're used as a tool or a launching point. So a test, especially a free test, might give them like here are the, you know, statistically your top three probabilities for your type. And then it's meant for you to take that and then go research it, go talk to a coach or go do something else to figure out which one is correct or which one makes you feel the most known. It's the Enneagram is designed to reflect your identity, not to be your identity, but to reflect your identity. That's deeply personal. And so it's really you're supposed to learn about the different types and decide for yourself which one makes you feel the most known. I tell my clients all the time, it's not, it's not even my job to tell you who you are. It's just my job to help you discover who you are. And so I do a verbal assessment. So the first session that I have with anybody is going to be a typing session and I'll ask them a bunch of questions. And, you know, I have the whole process there, but it's very conversational. And at the end of it, I always tell people it's not, I never want it to feel prescriptive. I don't want it to be like, here's

Communication Degree And Loving People

SPEAKER_03 13:10

your type. The end. It's something that we discuss and we decide together and we both feel good about before somebody leaves. And we go from there. Then I have a whole course that I've built out for each type. And so if they want to continue working with me, if they're, you know, if they're an individual and outside of an organization, they can choose that. And some people are like, you know what? I feel good about this typing session and I'm good to go. And some people are like, yes, give me the course. And so then we dive into their type and what that means and how they can grow and what they do in stress and all the really nitty-gritty stuff that I love so much.

SPEAKER_01 13:39

That's awesome. You're so passionate about this.

SPEAKER_02 13:41

Yes. And quickly, can you tell us what each number, because there, it's numeric type, right? Yes. How many are there? And just like a quick little yeah, what is it called?

SPEAKER_03 13:52

Like the helper, the yeah. So there's nine types. I can do that very quickly, but what I want to say first is that what I love about the Enneagram is that it's based on your core motivations in life. It's not based on your behavior. And what we know, and this is why it works so well alongside therapy, is that there are a lot of nurtury parts of our lives that go into how we live out our core motivation. So our behavior can differ even from other people in our same type. But we're gonna share that core motivation, that driving factor.

SPEAKER_02 14:22

And you can have wings, right?

SPEAKER_03 14:24

And it has to either be below or one above, right? Yes. So your wings are the types to the right and to the left of yours, regardless of your type. And wings just add a little bit of extra like flavor and influence to your personality. So if you're a six, which is the loyalist, if then you'd be a wing five or a wing seven. And we use both of our wings, all of us do, but most of us have a dominant wing. We have one type that we pull from more than the other to sort of like round out or influence our personality. So, yes, that being said, I can go through and give you a very brief description of each of the types. I just always like to give that caveat that the, you know, I always say stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason, but they're not always true. And I it always breaks my heart when people have been sort of like bullied about their types, stereotypes. And that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 15:10

Spoken like a true one over there.

SPEAKER_03 15:12

I know, right? It's incorrect.

SPEAKER_01 15:14

You're like, please stop telling me that I'm so terrible because I'm not. I feel like ones get a bad rap sometimes. Absolutely get a rap. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:22

That's the ones are the perfectionists or the reformers. Yep. So I said it's incorrect. Incorrect. Yep. Their motivation is to be fundamentally good, right, correct, and balanced as a person. It's not to look right or to just do the right thing, but to be the right thing as a person. And what's hard about these is that theoretically everybody wants to be a good person, right? Like we all want these things on a surface level, but it doesn't mean that it's the driving force behind everything we do, like it is for ones, right? Ones absolutely get a bad rap because our greatest strength, which is fixing and reforming and making things better in the world around us, naturally comes with somebody having to change what they're doing or stop doing what they're doing. And it's it's really cool because we get to be the ones that break cycles of oppression and you know, meanness are just like doing the wrong thing. And we make things better, we make things prettier, we make things more refined, but there's like there's breaking that comes with that, right? So we definitely get a bad rap, but I understand that too.

SPEAKER_01 16:24

I love how you're describing it though. I think how you're describing the Enneagram is the best I've ever heard. And I've been through a few workshops over the course of the past 10 years with different jobs and different experiences I've had. And yes, yes. I'm like, we need to hire Alec and just to do a little people of Northwest, Arkansas. We are gonna make, we're gonna force Brock to do it with us.

SPEAKER_02 16:49

That would be so fun. Brock would just bring a bunch of pod packs.

SPEAKER_01 16:54

He really would. I'm so like cickle.

SPEAKER_02 16:56

No, but it wouldn't, yeah, but it would be fun.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

Yeah, but it's core motivation to harass. And to make everyone laugh 100%.

SPEAKER_03 17:06

Maybe he is a seven.

SPEAKER_01 17:08

Oh, maybe he probably is like a seven. We need to have him take it.

SPEAKER_03 17:11

Yeah, we need to. These are the helpers. So their motivation is to be loved, wanted, and needed. Threes are the achievers or the performers. Their motivation is to succeed, to win, to be admirable and impressive while they're succeeding and winning. Both your husbands are threes. My husband's a three. Your husband's a three.

SPEAKER_01 17:31

I think Liam or Liam. Liam is my son. Jeff. We can edit that out. No. Jeff, you're like, no, we're keeping it. Oh, I cycle through all the names on my home regularly. I know. Well, I called Jeff Liam this morning on the way to school. So, you know, it is what it is. Jeff, I think he's a two. I really am Jeff. I really do. Yeah. I mean, he just is that guy that just is like, oh, you need help. I can totally see it. He literally did it the other day. So and he's done it multiple multiple times.

SPEAKER_03 17:59

I could also see him being a four, though.

unknown 18:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:01

Okay, well, okay. So we went by three.

SPEAKER_01 18:03

Okay, so three.

SPEAKER_02 18:04

Three is the achiever.

Falling Into The Enneagram Professionally

SPEAKER_02 18:05

Is it the achiever?

SPEAKER_03 18:07

Fours are the individualists or the romantics. Their motivation is to find themselves or their true identity, to find their unique significance in the world and to live that out, being true to themselves and to the point where other people can see that and know it as well. Fives are the observers or the investigators. Their motivation is to be capable and competent, competent, excuse me, to have enough and to know enough and to be enough to take care of themselves and their people. Sixes are the loyalists or the skeptics. Their motivation is to have and maintain unconditional safety and security and support.

SPEAKER_01 18:43

100% disability here. Oh my gosh. That was even like a better description. It actually than what we talked about before.

SPEAKER_02 18:53

Daniel. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 18:55

This is why we found this because Daniel is like, I don't know if we should do this. We did 100% do it. And she said the planner, preparer, you like to poke holes and what could go wrong.

SPEAKER_03 19:05

Yep. All the time. Because they're very fear-based. Very. It's hard because that that is what makes you guys strong. Right. Like your ability to think things through and follow the worst-case scenario to the very end is actually what helps you be brave. And actually, I'm reading a book right now called The Gift of Fear. So I love course. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 19:21

What's really great about this too, Alex, is how much she will say and do things that make me stop and go. Okay, yeah, no, you're probably right about that.

SPEAKER_02 19:33

And she pushes me to do things that I would not have normally have done. But then I'm glad they were scary.

SPEAKER_01 19:39

That's why this works so well. It actually works really well.

SPEAKER_02 19:41

Self-aware six, because I know it's fear-based. Yeah. But I'm very protective, right? I want everyone in my sphere to be. Oh, she is protective. If secure. And I'm hardcore, like loyal. Like once you're in, I don't have like some large circle, but once you're in, like I'm the ride or die. Yeah, you are.

SPEAKER_01 19:59

And yes, she is.

SPEAKER_02 20:01

And sometimes though, I feel like that with a spouse can be seen as maybe like negativity. But I think what I've explained to my husband is, oh, I'm not trying to make everyone scared to take this trip or do whatever. I'm just looking out for safety. But I feel like you have to be aware of the way you, as a six, you have to be aware of your the way your concern comes across. It comes from a loving place, but some people may not take it that way. So especially spouses. I'm learning that. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 20:30

I feel like that's true with ones too, that a lot of our correction or our we naturally notice what's wrong before we notice what's right. And so I feel like that can be taken the same way that it's like I'm not pointing out flaws because I'm trying to be negative. I'm actually a pretty optimistic person. I want to make things better.

SPEAKER_02 20:46

Yes. You want everyone to experience good things by knocking out the bad things.

SPEAKER_03 20:51

Yeah, exactly. But then there's I can take that too far. Just like you, I mean, we can all take it too far, right? And then there's the are they the optimist? The optimists are the enthusiasts. Never their motivation is to be satisfied and content and have their needs met. Ooh. But they really struggle with negativity, right? You're always looking for the silver lining, and that's an amazing thing. But you can take that too far too.

SPEAKER_02 21:13

We we're like the the yin and the yay. This is when we work together, which is lucky.

SPEAKER_03 21:20

Probably a wing to seven, I get that impression, but you wing to eight. So you kind of like wing away.

SPEAKER_01 21:24

Oh, I don't even know what a wing away from her.

SPEAKER_03 21:27

You're like chasing each other.

SPEAKER_01 21:30

No, actually, I have really loved not just this friendship, but this working relationship that we have on air, off air. And it's just been such a positive thing in my life. And I think for us and how we've recognized our differences and how we really can be a huge asset to each other has been really, I think, beneficial. And it's really cool.

SPEAKER_02 21:55

Because if we were both sevens, I don't know what we'd commit to. No, nothing would get done.

SPEAKER_01 21:59

I've I've worked with another seven and let me tell you, it was amazing, but we didn't get anything done. Ash Ashley Bell, you know who you are. The owner of Northwest Arkansas. Oh man, we had lots of fun. But it was always like, so what are we doing today? Hmm. What do we need to put? What do we need to post out there? Like what's happening? It was like fun, fun, fun. And then it was like, wait, oh wait, we need somebody to bring us back down. Yeah. So it can work. Yes. Just a little different.

SPEAKER_02 22:30

And what's the eight? Eights are the challengers. Oh, one of I I should have known that because one of my good friends, she's a local doctor. She told me she was the challenger, and I was like, Yes, I see that. Okay. Yes. She's always like, why? You know, she I love that she's always questioning, never accepting things, but why is it that way and why can't it be?

SPEAKER_03 22:48

Yeah, they push against things. Yeah. So they their motivation is to be strong and protective and to be in control of their own path in life. They tend to be super direct, they tend to push against the grain, they're energized by conflict. Not like they're picking fights all the time, but they they love a good debate. They love trying to like wrestle truth and better into the world, which I love. Yeah. And then finally, nine to the peacemakers, their motivation is to have and maintain just complete kind of like peace and harmony in their life, peace of mind internally and externally. They get along really well with everybody. They're really good at finding those natural connection points with whoever they're talking to.

SPEAKER_02 23:27

That was such a great description. Thank you for kind of. I know there's so much more you could expand on with that. I know I have to rein myself in. It's not there, Alex. And I could I could deep dive too.

SPEAKER_01 23:37

So I mean, we could absolutely deep dive, but right now we're gonna take it back.

SPEAKER_02 23:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 23:41

Because I love to take it back. We want to hear about you, Brian, and the kids. Yeah. And what that life has been like and that journey. And I know adoption has been a really big part of your guys' lives. We talked a little bit about that with Brian. It's been in our Peekaboo magazine. It's yeah, it's a big part of your life. So tell us first how you met Brian. This is such a fun story, and I really want to be able to do that. I can't wait to hear her birthday from Eric.

SPEAKER_02 24:06

Yeah, I know hearing his birth.

SPEAKER_03 24:09

Oh my gosh. I can only imagine what his stays have been. Okay, so how I met Brian. So I'm younger than Brian, just by five years. So like it's fine. But I was in college and he was not. That's the main reason I bring that up. So it was the first day of junior year. And you know how all the like campus organizations and ministries, they have like their back-to-school, I don't know, bash where they like have free food on the lawn. So I, my friend was part of an organization. She invited me to swing by. So I walked with my roommate from our apartment to this place, and he had a friend that was a leader at this organization who had also invited him to swing by. So we were both there. We got introduced to each other, neither of us really knew each other. Or I'm sorry, we obviously didn't know each other. We didn't know anybody else there. And I was not planning on like sticking around. We were gonna wander around and go to the other free food organizational back-to-school bashes. But I ended up hanging out with him and then we he decided to come wander with us. We kind of clicked and connected right off the bat. Ended up going to the Greek theater for like the Greek pep rally, which is funny because I was not part of a sorority. We had no business being there, but we thought it sounded fun. So we went. And then he ended up hanging out with me and my friends the rest of the evening. And then at one point, we all went back to my apartment to change. And during that time, he on purpose left his sunglasses at my apartment so that he would have a reason to reach out. He pulled a George Costanza for those of you who are Seinfeld friends fans. And he so he did. He messaged me the next day and was like, Oh, I think I left my sunglasses at your apartment. I immediately knew he did this on purpose. He did not admit to it until we were engaged. And I was Brian trying to be smooth. Oh, yeah. I think he was annoyed that I knew.

SPEAKER_02 25:50

No, this actually is how my grandparents got together as well. The glasses trick. Yes. Okay. See, it's a clock's back. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_01 26:00

I successor.

SPEAKER_03 26:02

It's like Bendon's nap mini marriage, husband armed with the glasses trick.

SPEAKER_02 26:09

Works every time. Okay, the legally Vaughn fan, sorry. Huh? Tripping differently. The glasses trick. That's what I'm gonna point it if it doesn't have a name. He used the glasses trick on you. Also, it made famous in Seinfeld.

SPEAKER_03 26:22

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yep. So yes, he did that. And then, well, there's like the long version where there was a girl that he was still talking to, but it was more that she was still talking to him. He was not really talking to her. But I refused to go on a date with him until she knew unequivocally that he was not talking to her anymore. She was kind of annoyed about, not for real, but he was like, I gotta go through all these steps. And I was like, uh-uh, I'm not. You tell her to her face, we are done. So that's kind of a fun extra story. And then yeah, we never really had like a friend's period. We just kind of started dating. And then we got engaged nine months later, married a year after that, and here we are. So it's been almost, gosh, 14 years, almost 14 years. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 27:03

I haven't heard that. I've seen a lot of people talking about how when you found the one there were no like talking stages, you just like had a good date and then you hung out ever since. And then you get you're like, all right, we're getting married. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:15

I think it helped that he was older. So it was I was I it felt like we could skip a lot of the dancing around or like you know, it was like, oh, he has like a real job and he gets the real grown-up and so and just do this thing for real.

SPEAKER_01 27:28

I'm like a solid person. I would say Brian's pretty solid. There's that too, for sure. Yeah, yeah. He's the best. He's the best.

SPEAKER_02 27:34

So you could he said you guys knew pretty early on that you discussed you wanted kids and would be open to adoption. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:42

I think I told him that on like our second date. That's what he uh he told us, yeah. Which is probably like not the move, right? Apparently it worked out well for me.

SPEAKER_01 27:50

It apparently was the move for Brian.

SPEAKER_03 27:53

I don't, yeah, I don't like

Coaching Process And Why Tests Mislead

SPEAKER_03 27:55

I think that because we also decided we weren't gonna play games and we were just gonna be really honest with each other. I was like, hope you're cool with adoption, because I'm gonna adopt someday. And if you don't want that, now's the time to tell me that.

SPEAKER_01 28:04

That's perfect. You approached these situations. You're like, you need to go tell this girl that you're done with her. And if you don't like adoption, then we're done. He needed one.

SPEAKER_02 28:13

He needed one. He's like, I like this.

SPEAKER_01 28:15

He's like, let's go. Yeah, let's be more, please tell me more what to do.

SPEAKER_03 28:20

It's funny because I look back and I think that was in the phase of my life where I was trying really hard to be chill, and now I've fully owned that I am not a chill person at all. I'm not laid back. But back then I was like, look at me. I am so breezy. I'm so easy go.

SPEAKER_02 28:35

He's like, no, no, you're not. You're both date mate, X, Y, Z. And also if you want to marry me, XYZ. And you're like, okay, check. I'm taking notes.

SPEAKER_01 28:43

He's been to the achiever.

SPEAKER_03 28:45

So he would have like he's like, he's like, challenge accepted, I got this. Let's go. Like I think it works out because we're both like kind of intense people, and so there's not it. Like, I think he's probably the chill one out of the two of us, which is hilarious because he's not chill at all. So chill on the outside, not on the inside. Yeah, like he's an introvert, but he plays the part of an extrovert, right? You know, an outgoing introvert. Yeah, outgoing introvert. Yeah, I feel more like that.

SPEAKER_02 29:09

An outgoing extrovert. An outgoing extrovert. So is she? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:13

No.

SPEAKER_02 29:14

Is it an ambivert where you're both ambivert? I've heard omnivert and I've heard improvert.

SPEAKER_01 29:19

I don't know if there's a difference. The older I get, the more I want to be away from people.

SPEAKER_03 29:22

But I know I feel that way too. But the different age thing because the kid thing too. My family is like I'm like, they've sucked all the energy.

SPEAKER_02 29:29

I have nothing left. I think because I used to always be an extrovert, and my family will tell you I've always been extroverted. Yeah. As I've hit 40, I've started to want to just read and be alone.

SPEAKER_03 29:38

Uh-huh. It's because they use it all. Like you use it all up. I feel like once my kids are older, I'll be like, I can be an extrovert again. I know I can get all this energy.

SPEAKER_01 29:47

Like, I'm not so proud that I'm working. Because you're like, when I turned 40, it's been so long. It hasn't even been a year. And I have all this 40-year-old knowledge. No.

SPEAKER_02 29:58

Well, all of a sudden I want to go on reading retreats. And my husband's like, So you can't. Oh my gosh, I'm and just read.

SPEAKER_03 30:03

I go every year on a reading retreat. They're like highly recommend because I think it's perfect for extroverts. And here's why. Because a lot of the time we, as extroverts, don't always need to be, quote, extroverting, like in a stereotypical way. We just need to be around people. And I love a book retreat because I we're reading and being quiet, but like next to each other. I love it so much. Yeah. It's it's my favorite. Yeah. We like all bring our books, we'll bring puzzles, we'll like talk every 30 minutes about what we're reading, and then we're like back to it. You just give me a spring break.

SPEAKER_02 30:32

Give me charcuterie and a glass of wine. Oh, yeah. This is my perfect so much wine.

SPEAKER_01 30:36

I mean, I feel like we should together plan a women's retreat. Absolutely. Or just an Enneagram. Or an Enneagram. Just get that in puzzling all of the pajamas the whole time. All right. So we don't have a ton more time, but we just want to talk a little bit about being a mom. What does that mean to you? And what, you know, like what are you adoption and adoption?

SPEAKER_03 30:59

It kind of all happened really fast. It did. We went from zero to four in 16 months. So wild. Which is so before you owned Peekaboo, I wrote for Peekaboo two or three times. A couple of them were for adoption. I think one of them was for my son has Marfan syndrome, so one of them was for that. But yeah, so it was literally one of them was called zero to four in less than a year or something like that. Which it wasn't less than a year. That's a lot. In the end, it was 16 months. Which is still less than a year and a half. It was a lot. It was too much, probably. Yeah. So we, our two bio kids were 16 months apart, and we adopted both of our boys in between those, one of them while I was pregnant. And yeah, I'm trying to think of like a succinct way to say it all, but I kind of blacked out during it. So it was just, it was a lot. It was really hard. That's part of why I'd started the Adoptive Mom podcast, because I felt like people talk about adoption and the beautiful parts of it, which there are beautiful parts of it. But I feel like it's almost glamorized in our society by people outside of the community. And I don't, to some degree, I don't know that there's a whole lot wrong with that if you hold it up next to the truth or to the hard parts. But I think that what it does for sure is it isolates people that are having a hard time within that community because you're like, this is supposed to be the blind side and amazing, you know, before, before all the stuff came out. But that, you know, we get a lot of like, you're a saint. I could never do that. And then all that does is really like make us feel even more alone because we're like, I'm definitely not a saint. I'm actually drowning. I'm not perfect, I'm not amazing. There are days when I'm like, what have I done? So I started the Adopted Mom podcast, and it was just really designed to be one part of that adoption triad, not to ignore the other parts being the birth mom and the adopted child, but to really

Nine Types, Wings, And Real Life

SPEAKER_03 32:35

just focus on this niche part of like, what are our experiences? What are the good and the bad and the ugly? How can we connect and communicate about the like what we're all collectively going through? And it was really healing for me. I feel like by the time I was done with the podcast, it like something in me was like, I don't feel alone. We're all going through this together, and there are still such hard days. Such hard days, but it feels better knowing that other people are going through it too. That's awesome. Yeah, it's been really a journey. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 33:04

And by journey, I did the podcast for five years. That's a long time in the podcast world. Yeah. It really is. Most do not make it to even the third episode. Oh, yeah. Yeah. True.

SPEAKER_01 33:15

Right? It'sn't like crazy, like some percentage of like 80% pot of podcasts don't make it to the third episode. Or some wild statistic like that. We need to like re-look that up since there's so many more podcasts out there.

SPEAKER_03 33:25

Yeah. But people can still go and listen to the podcast. I was just gonna ask that. I get new downloads all the time, which I think is, I mean, that's amazing. I'm not saying I think it's funny, like there's something wrong with it. I'm just not promoting it at all. So I'm like, hey, that's great. I mean, I think it helps that it's called the Adoptive Mom Podcast. Right. It comes up pretty quickly on searches.

SPEAKER_04 33:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:41

But yeah, yeah. And then so that is a beautiful thing. People can use that as a resource or a way to connect as long as you keep it up there. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. And then also you are in the jewelry arena as well. Yeah. Let's talk about that because you brought us amazing gifts today.

SPEAKER_03 33:58

Yeah. A jewelry company called Wonderlight Jewelry. They're really great. They approached me, I guess it was about a year and a half ago and asked if I wanted to help them design an Enneagram line for their jewelry company. And I was like, I mean, absolutely. So it was super fun. And now there you can go and buy Enneagram necklaces. So you can buy one for each type, and it comes with a little affirmation that I wrote. And each of the stones were chosen to represent aspects of each personality. And I'm super proud of it. I really love it. They're so cute.

SPEAKER_02 34:28

I like that it tells you something about it. And I like that it's women-owned, handmade in Bentonville. Yep. So we're definitely going to have to link that so people can absolutely. And yeah, can they click through and buy it online?

SPEAKER_03 34:38

Yes. I think it's just wonderlightjewelry.com.

SPEAKER_01 34:41

I feel like we're rushing through this last part of trying. Well, we're just trying to be mindful of everyone's time right here now. And I want to be mindful of your time. And I know you need to get going really quick before we wrap things up completely. What is your favorite thing about Northwest Arkansas?

SPEAKER_03 34:57

I love the growth. I feel like I get the best of both worlds where I have, or I say best of both both worlds. I mean I hear both sides of it. I hear the people that love the growth, and I hear the people that are like, it's getting too big and traffic is terrible. And I just, I really just love it. I love that we're getting new things constantly. I love that people are getting a different view of Arkansas because I I'm hoping for a day where I don't have to be like, I'm from Arkansas. But like the cool part, you know, really quickly afterwards to whoever I'm talking to. But let me tell you, it's actually kind of cool here. Yeah, like I feel like we're beating the stereotype. And I just love that. I love that it's safe for my kids. I love that that they're making efforts to improve. Like, yes, the traffic is bad, but they're like working on it. You know, it's not like it's just this, oh no, what are we gonna do with all this growth? Like they're being intentional. And I love that each of the big four towns in Northwest Arkansas have their own flair and vibe, and you can go to all of them pretty easily and quickly and get a different experience. Yeah, I just I love that like we have the college here. I also love that I don't live in Fayville and I don't have to deal with college traffic, but I can go to games when I want to. So it's very accessible

Meeting Brian And Dating With Intention

SPEAKER_03 36:10

and it's just a really great place to raise a family. Our schools are great. Like, yeah, I just love it. I know I just gave you like 14, sorry.

SPEAKER_01 36:17

No, that's okay. I uh that was a great answer because I think it's really easy to be like the people we joke about that. The people of NWA they're so fan and they are the community, is great, but I really love I really love hearing that that side of things of the growth. So as we kind of wrap up, why don't you tell us a little bit about how our listeners can find you and learn more about and booking for a session. Yeah, booking a session.

SPEAKER_03 36:42

Yeah, I'm gonna be super lame and I'm gonna give my email address because I have social media, but I am honestly like I am a full-time mom and I also work and social posting like pretty graphics of Enneagram carousels is like goals, but it is not happening a lot right now. So you can find me on on Instagram and TikTok, and I think that those are the two main ones at Enneagram Alex. You can also find me on LinkedIn at Alex Fitten. Best way to get a hold of me, Alex at EnneagramAlex.com. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 37:14

All the places. We made it really easy to do that. And because people can book you to speak too. I know Brian's always your biggest cheerleader. He's always posting all these lovely things about you. Yes. So we're we could talk to you about this forever, and maybe in the future we'll do a little mini deep dive. So fun. It would be fun. So I feel like it's just not enough time. But thank you for making the time. Thanks. Thanks for having me. You guys are great and so much fun.

SPEAKER_01 37:38

We love having fun. Thank you for being here.

SPEAKER_02 37:40

Thank you, Alex. Hey, thanks so much for listening today. If you liked what you heard, please consider subscribing to the podcast so you never miss an episode. You can also follow us on Instagram at People of NWA. Thanks so much.

SPEAKER_00 37:50

People of Northwest Arkansas with the two Danielles, produced by me, Brock Short of Brock Entertainment. Please rate, review, and like us on any podcast platform where you listen. For more information about today's guests and the show, please check the show notes. Thanks for listening.